So I am sure you know what I mean. I am sure you can relate. But just in case, here are a few more Valencia-like heartbreakers.
Edwin Encarnacion: Yeah, he has 60 taters over the past two seasons, but the dude has now been in the majors for nine years. And after hitting 26 big flies, at the age of 25 in 2008, "E5" followed with 13, 5, 8, 21, and 17 over successive years. Talk about wanting your money back. So, he hits 117 over seven years, and then 60 over the next two? The "family" context of this space forbids me from saying what I really think of this.
Took him long enough
Austin Kearns: I mention Kearns especially for my friend Jason Grey, because Jason, now a MLB scout with the Tampa Bay Rays, may have originated the fantasy man-crush thing with Austin. Starting his career with Cincinnati (hmm, like Encarnacion, which makes me think there might be a pattern?) at 22, Kearns hit .315-13-56 in 2002. In the 11 years since, he hasn't hit over .272, and could manage full-time play only twice since (.264-24-86 split between Cincinnati and Washington in 2006, and .266-16-74 the next season, again with the Senators). Not bad seasons, but schizoid enough to make you want to poke him between the eyes with an ice pick.
Scott Kazmir: The poster boy for pitching disappointment, Kazmir did turn in three pretty good years with Tampa from 2005-07, tantalizing enough by leading the league in strikeouts that third year. Kazmir made us all think he had arrived. He did: in suckland, because that is what he has done over the 119 games since then. When Kazmir isn't hurt, he pitches one good game (usually while on someone's roto bench), we activate him, and then he gets torched.
Matt Anderson: OK, Anderson goes by many names, kind of like Strider in "The Lord of the Rings." Like Kyle Farnsworth. Or Curtis Leskanic. Guys who show some moxie and earn the closer gig, and convince us they are worth $14 or so in whatever league we are in. I remember Anderson specifically, though, because he did indeed cost me $14, and then gave up 10 runs in an inning and went on the DL and was basically never heard from again. Which I suppose is better than Farnsworth, who did the same a year later, made me hate him, and then came back to have some decent playing time with Tampa (a pox on you, Kyle).
Milton Bradley: I had a girlfriend once who was reading this book Please Understand Me. And I tried. Same with Milton. I knew he had all this talent, and I knew all he needed to do was stay healthy and keep his mouth shut and it would all fall into place. And he did have a good year in Texas, once (.321-22-77 in 2008), but most everything else was a self-destructive washout. But he did this tease over 12 seasons. What is it with you, Milton? We tried to understand you. I mean, I always wondered if that girlfriend was ever interested in understanding me. I certainly know Milton wasn't.
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About Lawr Michaels, MastersBall.com
Lawr Michaels has been a player in the fantasy baseball industry since he began writing for John Benson in 1993. He has written for STATS, Inc, was the first fantasy columnist for CBS Sportsline, and has appeared in numerous journals and on websites. In 1996, he founded CREATiVESPORTS, a staple for serious fantasy players, which he merged into Mastersball in 2010.
Over the years, Lawr has participated in a wide variety of playing formats and won numerous titles, including AL Tout Wars crowns in 2001 and 2009. Along with his Mastersball duties, Lawr works for MLB.com as a statistician.
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